What are Love Languages? How to Know Your Love Language

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Love languages, according to the New York Times bestseller, The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, are the unique ways in which humans give and receive love. These love languages give you on-point ideas about what means the most to you and your partner, as well as what can hurt you the most. When it comes to our needs in a relationship, most of us have one emerging love language that has the highest impact on making us feel loved, cared for, and special. Knowing your own love language as well as your partner’s is a simple way to level up the love in your relationship.

Each love language exists on a spectrum, and it is possible to learn to “speak” all five love languages. It is likely that your primary love language will be connected to how love was expressed in your family of origin. Being able to express to your partner how you prefer to be shown love can increase your ability to feel loved and appreciated in your relationship. Also, knowing more about the five love languages can help you to notice the ways that your partner is showing their love for you, even if they are not speaking your primary love language.

Your love language is not only how you express love, it’s how you receive love as well. This means that you may express your love through one language but receive it through a totally different one.

What are the 5 Love Languages?

Words of Affirmation

The person who speaks this love language is most comfortable speaking and hearing verbal words to communicate love. These affirmations are usually in the form of compliments or praise. Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. For those who prefer hearing words of affirmation, phrases such as “I love you”, “You look beautiful”, and other compliments are what they value the most. Words are incredibly important for people who value this communication pattern as their primary love language. Furthermore, negative or insulting comments cut deep and are not forgiven.

Receiving Gifts

If your love language is receiving gifts, you express your love by giving people thoughtful presents, and you expect them to do the same. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the person with this love language is materialistic, but a meaningful or thoughtful present goes a long way to help them feel appreciated.

Acts of Service

Doing acts of service means doing things you know your partner would like you to do. Consider actions such as cooking a meal, setting the table, emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming, taking out the trash, or picking up a prescription. These acts require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy. And, if done with a positive spirit, they are interpreted as cherished expressions of love.

People who thrive in this language don’t deal well with broken promises. If you’re not willing to show your appreciation by doing them a favor, they will take it to mean that you don’t value them.

Quality time

With the quality time love language, you need to spend one-on-one, intimate time with your loved one to feel loved. This language is not just about spending time doing something together, it’s about giving the other person your undivided attention. When you do something together, your focus is on your partner, not on what you’re doing.

Distractions, postponed dates, or not listening can be hugely hurtful to individuals whose love language is quality time. Being there for them is their “need”.

Physical touch

Physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Kissing, embracing, and having sex are all ways of communicating emotional love to your partner. But touch, in this sense, includes everyday physical connections, like hand-holding, or any type of reaffirming physical contact. Once you discover that physical touch is the primary love language of your partner, you are limited only by your imagination in ways to express your love.

Those whose love language is physical touch need to feel like they’re in contact with their loved one. They might need to hold hands and be more physically affectionate to feel and express love.

Whatever your love language happens to be, what’s most important is that you are able to communicate and talk about it with your partner. Sincerely discuss how both of you can respect each other’s need to receive love in the way that makes you both most comfortable. Be creative. Spice things up! Consistently.

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